So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
there is puke in my bra ... again
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
