If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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