I accidentally burped into my bong.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
