So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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