The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
