all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
