Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
