if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
