He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Let's paint friendship bongs
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
