what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
