I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Randomize
