my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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