do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
