we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
