so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
