the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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