chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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