I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
