somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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