So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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