So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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