i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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