I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
