No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
