you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
