I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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