my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
