I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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