Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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