I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
where are you?
Hypothermia
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
