Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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