Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
