There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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