Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
