If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
