you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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