just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
