Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
