walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
