Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
