can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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