i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
