I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
