so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
