My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
