My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
