Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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