Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This girl is more easily done than said...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
