What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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