So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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