I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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