Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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