i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Boobs speak an international language.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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