this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
